There are so many beautiful and wonderful moments in motherhood. At the same time, there are some moments that challenge us deeply in patience, grace and whether or not we are going to choose to give into the frustrations of our flesh or speak with the law of kindness on her tongue.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. -Proverbs 31:26 (NKJV)
I am a stay at home mom to our 3 children, Christian Jr and Chrishon, our 5 year old twin boys and our 1 year old princess, Faith. Everyday is so different from the next and I love that about our family. These little people keep me on my toes.
As in any household, we have our really good days, where our kids do the cutest things or someone does something on their own for the first time or it’s just laid back and easy going. These are the days that I love and wish we could have all the time.
But as we all know, everyday is not as easy going as we would love for it to be. And on these days that are not so easy, sometimes our feelings can get the best of us and our words are not that nice. This is what we are here to talk about. The hard days of motherhood, when we are trying to navigate through the hard stuff that can make us feel a little crazy on the inside. We have these days in our home too.
In fact, to be totally transparent with you, I had a day like this a couple weeks ago where I failed at taming my tongue. It started in the morning when one of our twins woke up on the wrong side of the bed and the other one had an accident during the night. So now breakfast was delayed because I needed to help get him cleaned up and wash his covers. Then the other one got impatient because he was hungry and needed food now! After cleaning Chrishon up and helping Christian calm down, our daughter threw a fit because she couldn’t understand why I would’t let her play in the messy covers on the floor. I sarcastically thought “this is shaping up to be a great morning!”
After we finally had breakfast, the day continued with another episode jumping on the couches when mommie’s not looking, another tantrum because I said no, constant whining over the same toy, an extreme diaper blowout (as if I needed another mess to clean up), and a broken laptop screen (the icing on top!) Sigh. And it was only about 2 o’clock. I was beat!
This day threw me for a loop! At this point I felt the need to say how I felt. I was in no mood to continue having a day like this and my patience was on thin ice. After vocalizing my frustrations, I realized it did not make the situation better. It did make me feel worse though. At that moment I felt a sense of failure. The enemy had succeeded and now our day had went from being bad to worse. I decided to give ours boys some quiet time in their room and I needed to take a time out as well. I sat down, guilt and shame had taken over. I knew that my react to all that had happened that day was not out of loving redirection but pure frustration. So I sat there and I spoke to God, asking Him to send me His strength and to guard my mouth from speaking words that don’t uplift my children or bring happiness into our home.
Even though I still felt embarrassed that I acted so foolish, I got up out of my pity party and headed upstairs to apologize and ask my children for their forgiveness. I told them that I was sorry and explained how I could have handled things differently. I felt better after having this talk with them, even if they don’t fully understand every single thing I said. I still wanted them to know how sorry I was and that I would like to do something fun together to change around our day. I got some big hugs from Christian and Chrishon suggested we play the game together. So we did. I also put on some music and we did some coloring and crafting. We ended the day, that started off with messy bed sheets and a broken laptop screen; with snuggles and a story. God’s grace is sufficient.
Checking Our Hearts
In some instances, the punishment of our words does not fit the mistakes that our children make. And you want to know the honest truth? Sometimes when we are frustrated, it has very little to do with our children’s behaviors. It is more about what is happening in our hearts, in our lives, things we are worried about or can’t control or things that did not work out as we planned.
When we speak out of anger or frustration, often times these words can be very hurtful and to our children they can be damaging to how they view themselves.
For example, if you tell your child over and over again they are a bad girl or a bad boy this will often times result in consistent bad choices on their part that can be taken well into adulthood. They will view themselves as bad and therefore think they are not capable of being good or doing good. This viewpoint of themselves is not healthy. The enemy is always seeking out opportunities to cause division within your household. As mothers, he seeks to play on any feelings of frustration or anger we may have throughout our days. He will also try to use our children as pawns, throwing a wrench in their day, which in turn could cause us to lose control of our words. Making sure that we are checking our hearts and our perspectives during these rough moments can bring about a better outcome than lashing out in frustration. For out of the mouth the heart speaks.
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. -Luke 6:45 NKJV
More often than not, we need to take a moment to check our hearts. I love the Lord for His constant reminder in this area. A lot of how we feel is centered around the feelings that we let take abundance in our hearts. Use words that are edifying and correction that spoken out of love.
Calmness Over Chaos
Over the years, I have had countless days where my emotions have been all over the place and I don’t even understand why. I had to learn that my children are not exempt from feeling this way as well. They are learning how to regulate their emotions and it is my responsibility to teach them the right way to do this.
Our children learn so much about how to react to situations in life by seeing the way that we react in these situations. If we fly off the handle every time, they more likely to mimic this behavior rather than seeking a better way of handling it. I came across a quote that by L.R. Knost that said:
When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos. -L.R. Knost
Because we are the loudest voice in our child’s life, the words we say to them can become a direct reflection of how they view themselves. We have to make sure we are being selective with our words. They must come from a place of grace, kindness and loving redirection.
Apologizing
Apologizing to your children when you have said something unkind to them makes such a difference in repairing your relationship. Have that heart to heart conversation with them. Let them know that you are deeply sorry for your choice of words and that you made a mistake. Let them know what you should have done instead. And ask for their forgiveness and forgive yourself as well. God’s grace is sufficient for you. In the Bible, Paul explained that his weaknesses ultimately made him closer to God. Asking for His strength instead of relying on his own.
And He said to me “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV
As mothers, without a doubt we will fall short at some point in our journey. Taming our tongues is something we will always need to be intentional about. Ask the Lord to help your words be pleasing to Him. Draw from His strength when you find yourself struggling with this. I would like to leave you with one last scripture to meditate on. This verse has been one that I stand by in my constant effort of learning to tame my tongue more and more in my motherhood journey.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. -Psalms 19:14 NKJV
Joyfully, Frances
I loved reading this!! My good friend is reading a book about Scream-Free parenting for her toddler. I’m definitely going to be sharing this with her. I know she’ll find some community in it.
Glad you enjoyed reading it! And thank you so much for sharing it with your friend! I hope she finds it helpful😊
Oh my! This post spoke deeply to me. As a mom, the daily stresses can get the best of us. This is why the Bible reminds us that we should tame our tongues. I am glad you shared this as God spoke to you as well. Such a blessing and reminder for us moms! ❤️
I am glad to hear that you were moved by this post! God speaks so much about us watching the words that we say because they can either bring life or death. And with our children, it is so important that we watch what we are saying. Our words shape our children in ways that can stick with them their whole lives.
I can definitely relate to this post. Motherhood can be stressful at times and sometimes we become frustrated. We can be really hard on ourselves too. I agree with you on the calmness over chaos and the apologizing sections. Sometimes we make mistakes (too much potty mouthing) but it’s how we recognize those errors and learn from them. Thanks for sharing. I bet many mom’s (including myself) can relate to this post 💖
I love your feedback! Thank you so much! And it is very true what you said, we must learn from our mistakes. We also must strive to do better. Praying over ourselves as mothers is the best thing we can do. Asking God to help us in our times of weakness and to be a shield over our mouths. I’m so glad you found this helpful!
Gosh, I can absolutely relate to speaking at them out of anger and frustrations instead of to them in love and kindness. I can totally relate💕
This was a great article that I can really relate to! And for me, apologizing when I make a mistake is a must, even though it hurts me to know I hurt my child!